The Constant - I'm Alive Re-Make (Rough Cut) from Luke Darling on Vimeo.
Feedback:
From JDU
-I like the use of the long and mid shots at the beginning to establish the mes.
-The singer must sing the first line. This must be shown.
-The first fifteen seconds needs some cutaways related to the singer and mes. How will you do this? Using the light of the fire is a good idea, or playing with the theme of light (moon, stars, reflections, shadows, etc). Perhaps these will be your cutaways.
-41--the tempo really picks-up and this is the first time that the music really picks-up. This must be emphasized through movement (the character, editing, effects). Adjust this area to convey the 'power' of the scene.
-109--excellent editing here with beat.
-the idea of this character being on a journey is good. This will lead to a powerful ending, one that is climatic.
-need more cutaways and/or close-ups in the opening 120.
-there seems to be a lot of movement of the camera. This will require you to use the camera with skills. Make sure you rehearse this.
-the reaction shots are good.
-I like how some of the visuals match the lyrics. Add the 'stars' to 145, eye line match.
-perhaps you could foreshadow the cemetery. Doing so will cause you to use some parallel editing. This may also help you add tension, for you could create dramatic irony by having something occur in the graveyard.
-Once again, good editing to beat at 223
- This video needs close-ups that show the movement/action of the 'runner'. For example, feet running and hand on wall/fence. Also, some POV shots.
-'Man hears a car' at 325. The car needs to be shown (perhaps focus on the lights to help convey the lights theme). Also, reaction shot.
-This car not stopping seems like a dramatic movement in the narrative. Develop it by showing more camera shots/angles.
-The ending is good. But perhaps consider how you successfully end the narrative.
Top Tips
1. Performance. There needs to be a performer. Film someone (perhaps the 'runner') singing by the fire. Shoot this from many angles and shot types. Also, add cut aways of his hands, face, etc.
2. Cutaways that develop the mise en scene.
3. Close ups.
The narrative idea is well constructed and the editing is quite sound.
JDU
